The Importance of the Third Date (and how to land it!)

4th May 2018 | Posted by Wendy Tse Wulff

Love is one of the most, if not THE MOST, profound emotion known to human beings. There are many kinds of love, but most people seek its expression in a romantic relationship with a compatible partner.

However, the ability to date, flirt, woo, and obtain that loving relationship is not innate. Contrary to popular belief, it is not something we are born with. Like many other necessary skills in our lives, it is something that we need to learn, practice, and apply, before we truly become good at it.

[A great deal of evidence suggests that the ability to form a stable relationship begins in infancy, in a child’s earliest experiences with a caregiver who reliably meets the infant’s needs for food, care, protection, stimulation, and social contact. Those early experiences don’t make one’s destiny, but they do appear to establish patterns of relating to others later in life.]

Why is a 3rd date significant?

If you’re a person who dates actively, or if you’ve watched your friends date actively, have you noticed that very few dating endeavours make it past the second date? As professional matchmakers, we definitely see this pattern repeating itself over and over in the people who come to us seeking advice!

The reason for this is — these days, a first date doesn’t mean much any more. In this age of dating apps and “hyperdating”, gone are the days where people put too much thought or hesitation into a first meeting. Hell, people go on first dates sometimes out of sheer boredom! Nothing to do on a Tuesday night? Swipe right a few times and go on a date!

A second date may seem significant, but it often isn’t. Many times, it is simply the case of wanting to give it another chance, even if the first meeting wasn’t exactly phenomenal. It’s often the “just-in-case-I’m-judging-you-too-quickly” date, or the “so-my-friends-can’t-say-I-didn’t-give-it-a-shot” date.

But a third date! A third date usually means the initial screenings have gone well, you’ve passed the test, you’ve been cleared to advance to the next stage. You can now have confidence that your date likes you too (at least more than a little)!

HURRAH! We love these third dates!

Sadly, it’s all too often that before the 3rd date, you inadvertently do something that isn’t attractive, is a deal breaker, or gives a poor impression, and you end up never making it to a third date.

We know that you’re a great catch, but perhaps you just weren’t perceived that way. Too many of our members don’t realise how they are perceived by others and end up selling themselves short. Remember that we always view ourselves through a biased lens, and are almost always blind to our own behavioural errors.

These following tips are our top ways to make it to that much anticipated third date, and give someone the pleasure of knowing the REAL you:-

1. Clean Up

Looks aren’t everything, but cleaning up for your date says a lot about your character. Ensure that your general hygiene is on point, and that you’re dressed to match the environment you choose, which implies that you care about your health, and that you’re socially astute. Also, if you have a similar style to your date, you are giving off the perception that you have similarities, creating a stronger immediate connection.

2. Make Memories

Yes, you already know that you have to show your best self during the first few dates. However, this doesn’t mean that you have to be polite and politically correct 100% of the time, or “be safe” in everything you say and do. That’s boring! You should be laughing, cracking jokes, or even tease your date. Do or say something spontaneous and out of the ordinary. Reveal parts of your personality that show how you stand out from all the rest!

3. Share

It might be inappropriate to share too much personal information with your date too early on, but you need to make sure you strike a balance. Sharing nothing at all is a sure way to ensure that your date builds ZERO rapport with you. It’s imperative that you share some personal information / anecdotes / personal opinions so that your date sees that you’re willing to let him/her in. This way, your date gets the chance to get to know the REAL you better, and will thus be more likely to stay interested in you.

4. Thoughtful Dates Over Pricey Dates

Don’t worry too much about going to expensive or extravagant date locations that are social media worthy or that people want to tell their friends about. Save those for a special occasion like birthdays or anniversaries (or proposals!). Try an interesting museum, an art exhibition, or something off the beaten path, like an animal adoption drive, a picnic, or a walk in the park. Even something totally wacky like an air guitar convention could make for an amazingly memorable date!

 

With consistent application and practice of these little pointers above, we’re sure you’re gonna be getting tonnes of third dates! Also remember, to always ask for feedback from your friends to see if there are other dating blindspots that you’re missing. If you need more advice or faster results, get in touch with us here!