If anyone has experienced a lot of negativity growing up, or of late, you would know that it takes a lot of energy out of you. A lot. We lose sight of all the good things around us, the good karma, the positivity, our friends and family, love and other cosmic opportunities.
We cannot escape negativity. When we end a relationship with someone, we often hear and feel all sorts – pity from our family and friends, the “I-told-you-he/she-wasn’t-good-enough-for-you” lecture, self-loathing and self-pity grows and you will think you’re not good enough for the next Someone, you let yourself go, you stop caring, you become lazy. It’s no wonder it is one of the main reasons why we can’t move on and/or find it difficult to find our next true love.
It’s time to start loving yourself. Let me share with you ways on how to snap out of it and come out of your black hole.
1. Let it go, Let it go
Someone dear to me once said to me six months after a breakup – “If you keep looking back into the past, you are going to keep falling down in this present and it will be hard for you to improve yourself for the future”. Wow, how right she was! Try this yourself – Try walking while looking over your shoulders constantly. You can’t see what’s ahead of you, you fall down. You keep falling down. Does it make more sense now? Whenever I feel down, or the past comes back to haunt me, I allow myself 10 mins MAX to think about it and wallow. Then I snap out of it and move on. You can’t forget the past, but you can control your emotions. Trust yourself to snap out of it.
2. Avoid these…
a) Debbie Downers and Negative Ned – You know, those boys and girls that are constantly “Woe is me”, “No, I can’t”, “No this, No that”. You know they will drag you down further into your black hole, let them wallow on their own. I speak from experience when I say surrounding yourself with happy, positive friends will truly lift your spirits up. Once you are out of your black hole, I encourage you to help those who are going through a rough patch.
b) Party Animals – Ok, don’t get me wrong here. It’s fine having a drink or two, go out partying or clubbing, but hanging out with the party animals can be so mentally and physically exhausting! They drink almost every other day, stay out til late, and repeat. Is it possible to clean up and feel good when there’s a lot of loud toxins in you? (i.e the loud doof-doof music + alcohol). Alcohol tends to make us depress anyway (what, with all the hangovers, credit card bills and lack of sleep!)
c) Haters – They hate relationships because they’ve had 9 bad ones in a row, they hate happy people, they hate sunshine, they hate bright colours, they hate themselves, they hate their family, they hate their job… It goes on. Stay. Away.
I cannot stress how important this is! When you exercise, your body releases chemicals called Endorphins (to read all about endorphins: http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/exercise-depression). A clean, natural way of feeling good, endorphins can help decrease/expel heartaches, depression, sadness. I encourage you to try all sorts of activities, find something you will like. The more activities, the fitter you get. The fitter you get, the more confident you are. The more confident you are, the better you look (physically, mentally, trust me, it shows in your face and how you carry your new self). The better you look, the more you attract. The more you attract, the higher your chances are in finding love. My point is – just exercise. (Ask me my preferred method of exercise!)
4. Believe and Change
To put it simply, if you don’t believe in yourself, you are not ready for a change (I’ll save this for another day). Believe the good in you, believe you are worthy of a GREAT relationship, believe in relationships, believe in love and that it’s a good thing, believe you can do it. It comes from deep within yourself. This process takes awhile. Be patient, soon enough the need and desire to change will come after, and a new you is born.
Explore your feelings. Try new things. Meet new people. Go dancing. Visit a new country. Remember – Routine is the enemy!
Good luck, my friends. Loving yourself is a great feeling – you deserve it!